CarBuzz Real or Fake: Insane DUIs

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If you think getting a DUI on a motorized bar stool is nuts think again.

First things first: This article in no way, shape or form condones DUIs. Drunk drivers are a danger to society and should be treated accordingly. That being said, we like to have fun around here and some stories are too good not to be told. Today’s CarBuzz Real or Fake asks you to pick the dud DUI. This isn’t like the time your buddy rolled a stop sign and was popped for drinking “two beers” on an empty stomach. No, these stories involve everything from hungry squirrels to privileged politicians. Remember, one of these tales isn’t true, so leave your best guess in the comment section.

It’s not the best idea to shop for a car while drunk. It’s an even worse idea to take one for a test drive after having beer for breakfast. Jeff Stevens of Little Rock, Arkansas, learned this the hard way when he was popped for a DUI while test driving an F-150. Everyone knows car salesmen will do anything to close a deal, but this is a little too much.

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Warren Michael III is a legend. Why? Because he told Florida cops that his erratic driving was not due to intoxication but his pet squirrel nibbling on him. The cops didn’t buy the story and gave Michael a sobriety test, which he failed. Perhaps the best part of this story is that after the arrest, Michael and his girlfriend named their pet squirrel DUI (Dew-ee).

Four DUIs in 30 hours is impressive for all the wrong reasons. John Lourenco of Rhode Island crashed four of his own cars in less than two days, including driving his dump truck into a tree. Message to Rhode Island police: if a guy gets two DUIs in less than a day, you might want to consider taking him off the streets.

Colorado State Representative Laura Bradford was popped on suspicion of driving drunk but got off with only a citation after citing an old quirk in the Colorado state constitution. Basically, if you’re traveling to or from a legislative session you cannot be arrested unless you’re committing a felony or treason. Drunks, time to run for political office in Colorado.

Are you starting to see double after reading all of those DUI stories? Hopefully you’re still sober enough to sort the real from the fake. For starters, Warren Michael III is that dumb. So is John Lourenco, who is hopefully in jail or at the very least barred from driving. As you might have guessed, politicians are that sleazy, which means Jeff Stevens is the lone innocent here.

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