Celebrity

Jeremy Clarkson: I Almost Died From Pneumonia

After three days of spasming in bed, he figured it was time to seek treatment.

It turns out Jeremy Clarkson’s bout with pneumonia last week was a lot more serious that we thought. The Grand Tour host recently revealed in his latest column in the Sunday Times just how sick he really was. His descriptions really sound scary. It all started when he spent three nights "spasming" in bed. Only after that did he think it was a smart idea to head over to the hospital. It’s what they’re there for. He then underwent several tests, and the results were grim. "A healthy person’s CRP should be five," his doctor told him. "Yours is 337."

Thing was, Clarkson didn’t know what a CRP was. "It turns out to be something your body makes more of when you have an infection - but 337 sounded a lot," added Clarkson. Then his doctor told him this: "If you don’t do as I say you will die." Clarkson: "I did understand that." Wow. Good thing Clarkson –finally! – had the sense to get out of bed and get himself some proper care, otherwise, well...let’s not go there. But Clarkson also faced another hurdle while in the hospital: boredom. "Normally, when I’m bored, I smoke. Or drink. But both those things were out of the question. I just had my drugs. Thousands of them.

“There was one that caused lightning bolts to ricochet around in my toes and one that would apparently ruin my stomach and loads more I didn’t understand, but there was one that was – and remains – the highlight of my day. I was hooked. It’s called Fluimucil Forte, and its purpose is revolting. It’s designed to dislodge the phlegm and the gunk in my lung and bring it up in the sort of dark, meaty globules we haven’t seen since Mrs. Thatcher shut down the mines. But holy sweet Jesus. It’s a taste sensation." Clarkson, we’re glad you’re feeling better. Just try taking better care of yourself from now on.

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