If your car is fast and flashy, you might have a teeny wienie.
If you drive a flashy sports car like a Chevrolet Corvette Convertible or Ford Mustang Shelby GT500, we have some bad news: there's a good chance you may have a small wiener. Actually, the above statement is a fallacy (or is that phallusy?), but a new study found a psychological link between small penises and fast cars. Basically, men buy ostentatious vehicles once they start believing they have a smaller-than-average pee-pee.
The study is titled Small Penises and Fast Cars: Evidence for a Psychological Link, published by the Department of Experimental Psychology, University College London.
How did the university manage to pull this off? They asked several upstanding members of society to partake in a study and manipulated them into believing they had a smaller penis. This increased their desire for luxury sports cars. In short, owning a sports car doesn't mean you have a small penis, but there's a good chance you own one because you believe your manhood to be below average.
The study used 200 British men and fed them false information. The critical false statements were that the average erect penis size was either 18 cm (seven inches) or 10 cm (four inches). The men who received the seven-inch information felt ill-equipped, while the four-inch recipients felt rather good about themselves. For the record, the average is between 5.1 to 5.5 inches.
After receiving the above information, the men were presented with pictures of products they had to rate according to desirability.
The results showed that men who thought they had a relatively small penis rated sports cars much higher with a maximum probability of effect (MPE) score of 91%. Age also plays a role. For men 29 years and younger, the MPEs were below 90%. Above 30 years of age, the MPEs were between 95% and 99%.
Why conduct this study? The fast car and small penis tropes have been with us for as long as go-faster cars have existed. And there have been previous studies on the topic. It's a simple study that helps the world better understand the male psyche. Or it could be marketing-related. "Buy the new Mansory Urus Coupe because people will think you have a large wienie."
The university does point out that penis-related studies are often crooked, so don't feel too bad if you own a yellow Corvette.
"Self-reported penis size is notoriously unreliable, and even an objective study of penis size and sports car ownership would also be limited to correlation evidence. In this experiment, however, we were able to find a casual psychological link between fast cars and small penises for the first time," the study states.
The psychological link exists for two reasons. The first explanation is basic peacocking, or a display of wealth meant to impress others or attract mates. Previous studies have shown that men think they're more attractive when they have a flashy car. Secondly, there's the question of self-esteem. People want to buy expensive and flashy things when their self-worth takes a knock. Basically, if you've just learned that you have a tiny Johnson, you're more likely to buy a sports car to lessen the blow.
For the record, it's not our intention to make fun of anyone or their penis. Four out of our five senior staff members own a sports car. Heck, one of us has a 700-horsepower BMW. Only one of our managing editors owns a Subaru Crosstrek, which is about as unsporty as cars get. Sorry ladies, he's not looking right now.
The comments section is bound to be lit, but please be sure to read the full story before you comment prematurely.