Top 5

The 5 Most Embarrassing Cars Today

They're so bad you may prefer to walk.

Embarrassment is never welcome. People laughing at you for whatever reason(s) is something everyone tries to avoid. Embarrassment happens in countless ways, one of which is the type of car you drive. Now, everyone has an opinion as to which cars are outright crap boxes and those that aren’t, but we thought we’d take a crack at picking out a few that any self-respecting individual ought to avoid like a Malaysian Airlines flight. What? Too soon?

This goes under the category of “what were they thinking?” Seriously. What the hell was Fiat thinking when making the decision to build the 500L. OK, so maybe it’ll appeal to Europeans more than Americans, but it’s still painfully awkward to look at. Its proportions are just completely out of whack. The 500L is really for those who don’t care about cars and just need something basic with extra interior space to get them from A to B. We’ll still point and laugh at them regardless.

Yep, we’re giving this one shit again. This is the type of car that hairdressers lust after as a reward to themselves for opening their own salon. They’d even put their business decals on the doors. Two other things about the Paceman: One, if you just have to have a raised Mini, get the Countryman. At least it has a pair of extra doors. And second, why even bother with a raised Mini in the first place? It’s not like you’re about to enter the Dakar Rally. The standard Mini hatch and the Clubman are way better options.

Yes, we like, no love, wagons. Guilty as charged. But the Honda Crosstour has the looks only its designer could love and nobody else. Based on the previous generation Accord, Honda launched the Crosstour back in late 2009 as a competitor to the Toyota Venza. On the one hand we can totally understand why someone prefers a wagon, such as the Venza, to a standard crossover. But if you’re going to buy a wagon just pick anything other than the Crosstour, unless you’ve totally given up on yourself. Harsh but true.

Oh, Lincoln. It’s been so hard watching you prove time and again your apparent lack of need to exist. New models like the MKZ and MKC are nice and all, but they just may be too little too late. That’s because models like the MKS really helped to screw things up. The MKS is nothing more than a rebadged Ford Taurus (itself already built on a decade and half old platform) with an over styled front grille. Seriously, it looks ready to eat a passing squirrel. The MKS is offered with the same 3.5-liter V6 as the Taurus, but opting for the 3.7-liter V6 adds a few thousand bucks more that could have been better spent upgrading your kitchen.

The sole exception here is the FR-S. Other than that, we’re really wondering why Toyota opts to keep Scion around. The idea behind Scion was that it would appeal to the youth market by offering affordable, but well packaged small cars with proven Toyota reliability. On paper, that sounds great. Reality is a different thing entirely. Pick any Scion (again, not the FR-S) and you’ll quickly realize there far better alternatives. Riding a bike is one of them.

Honorable Mention: Smart Cars “Alright! That’s it for me. Goodnight everybody.”- George Costanza

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