Are you the kind of man that wears Porsche sunglasses, jackets, shirts, and underwear? Do you buy every possible Porsche product, except an actual Porsche? Man, have we got some good news for you.

You can now buy a vehicle with an impressive top speed from the most exclusive brand on the planet for less than $1,000. That's right, sir. Costco is now selling the latest Bugatti model for $920, but there's a catch. It's an electric scooter.

We weren't lying about the impressive top speed. This brisk little machine has three-speed modes and can reach 18.5 mph. And this is not us being sarcastic. If you've ever been on a Bird in LA, you'll know that 18.5 mph is plenty.

But none of that matters because the Bugatti 9.0 Electric Scooter is an official product and, therefore, a real Bugatti. We've been speculating about the French brand's next production model for a while, and here it is. Just one day away via UPS Ground delivery.

You might think the Bugatti Chiron is impressive, but wait until you read the spec sheet of this beauty. Weighing just 242 pounds, it has 0.02 hp for every pound it has to move. The Chiron has 0.3 hp for every pound, so it's a close race. When it comes to performance vehicles, it's all about power-to-weight.

It seems that the new partnership with Rimac is paying off big time.

In terms of range, the scooter is way ahead. A Chiron will drain its tank within eight minutes at full speed. The claimed battery range for the scooter is 20 to 25 miles, which means it will easily last an hour at its top speed.

It's a foldable modern marvel with two five-star ratings on the Costco website. We've never heard a Chiron owner say such good things about their car, mainly because we don't know anybody who has one.

The time has come to put away that Pure Black by Bugatti Aftershave. You can now have the real deal, which means you can officially state that you're a Bugatti owner on your Tinder or Grindr profile. People will be swiping right so hard that their screens will break.

However, expect the date to end when you pitch up on your Bugatti. Haters gonna hate, yo.