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These Are The 5 Cars Modern Mobsters Should Be Driving

Lincoln doesn’t make the Town Car anymore, so what will Don Corleone drive now?

Policing is a job that requires a wide array of capabilities, and the same goes for the cars that cops use. However those who keep the police employed, i.e. the mob, need cars too but with different characteristics as they do dirty work. Previously Lincoln Town Cars pulled double duty as mobmobiles. Now that the Town Car is out of production, mobsters need the modern equivalent. So in order to pay our protection debt off, we decided to help mobsters pick the new modern mob car.

Okay, so the Mercedes S-Class doesn’t exactly blend into the surrounding city environment too well, but mobsters all around the world from the Russian mob to the Japanese Yakuza drive it. It can be spec’d out in S63 AMG guise for some truly effective getaway driving while looking official enough to let poor subjects of extortion know who they're messing with. If you already have the entire police force paid off and are more worried about a mob family clash, opt for the S-Class Guard instead. This literal tank on wheels offers the highest level of protection available for purchase on a passenger car. No machine gun ambush or bio weapon attack will shake this S-Class, making it the perfect safety cocoon to head to your daughter’s wedding in.

The Lincoln Town Car was phased out in 2011 because, lets face it, its style dated back to 1998 and it wore enough bling to be mistaken for a classic car. This took its incognito status away, and the fact that the newest police cars on sale no longer share a chassis with the Town Car means that an upgrade was in order to maintain pursuit expertise. Given the recent uptick in SUV sales, a perfect car to use when blending in becomes a life or death issue is the Lincoln Navigator. It’s big enough to comfortably cart around a “work” crew of seven while drawing less attention than Tony Soprano's Cadillac Escalade. It also has good towing capacity, which means that you can carry around plenty of pairs of concrete shoes as an intimidation tactic.

For those at the bottom of the totem pole (in terms of mob rankings), transportation is possibly even more important than for those at the top. The grunts are the ones doing the dirty work! For the filthy duty, look no further than the Chrysler 300. It has the same cheap American luxury feel that mobsters love but is dialed down enough to slip by unnoticed. Of course pesky police tail cars may be a bothersome impediment during work, and for that Chrysler offers the 300 SRT with a 6.4-liter Hemi V8 that makes over 470 horsepower. Unlike Cadillac, Chrysler doesn’t give a damn whether or not the youth likes its cars, which makes the old school 300 the perfect harbinger of dread as you roll up to collect payment from cowardly shop owners.

The Italian mob is the mob, but they’re rarely heard from nowadays. It may seem like stories of the Corleones are all relegated to the pages of history, but we’d argue that it’s only a sign that mobsters have gotten better at their jobs. To celebrate the spoils of a life of crime and bring back some Italian pizzazz, look no further than the Maserati Quattroporte. Unlike the Ghibli, the Quattroporte isn’t meant to look flashy in order to catch the eye of the prospective 5 and 7 Series buyers. Instead, it keeps a confident, established, and timeless face that can easily hide in the shadows. It also has a looming and overbearing presence, kind of like the grim reaper, so that rival families know what to expect.

The Jaguar F-Type isn’t the typical mob car that holds a steel pipe-wielding wrecking crew or a luxury vehicle meant to cart around a made man. After all, it only has two seats, which makes it the perfect car for the head of the family. Its low-slung roof and beautiful proportions keep true to Jaguar's status as the car brand of choice for villains. With an available supercharged 5.0-liter V8 making 550 horsepower, police chases won't be an issue. And trust us, it has an exhaust note that could perfectly follow the line, “Say hello to my little friend!” Save a little of that tax-free budget for one of these if you’re a godfather who likes to meander into the canyons on the weekends.

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